And then there were none

Movie: Spiderman 3

Venom: All bark but no bite.

It seems that Sam Raimi has somehow managed to ruin the one good Marvel movie. I used to think that the long character interactions between all the web-swinging action were the best part of the first 2 movies, but not anymore. While SpM 1 and 2 had only 1 villain to focus on, i couldn't have cared less for either of the 3 in SpM 3. Am i the only one who feels that the New Goblin (so-named in the credit) on his hoverboard looks like something out of Spy Kids 3D (not that i watched that crap before)? Sandman might have been cooler if he was an all-out bad guy (like the comics), but add his sob tales in and suddenly Flint Marko seems like a downright unlucky loser. After wrecking havoc on the city he suddenly does a 360 turn and says, "i didn't mean for it to be this way". At least take pride in your handiwork, loser. Eddie Brock/Venom was supposed to be THE villain for the 3rd show but role he plays is so inconsequential that he's more aptly named Sideshow Ed. And what's up with the vampire fangs in his human mouth? That's just weird.

Flirting openly on a web in the park. Doesn't someone have a secret identity he needs to protect?

The majority of the story revolves around Peter Parker and MJ Watson trying to work out their relationship, but if i wanted to see draggy merry-go-round love stories i would rather watch a J-Drama. At least the girls are cuter (than Kirsten Dunst). I think i said it before, if you don't like a character, you won't be into the show no matter how much shit he/she goes through. And i don't like MJ/Dunst. Somehow they managed to even potray Gwen Stacy (my fav. of Parker's 3 GFs in the comic) as a blonde bimbo who's in love with Spidey.

The action sequences are just average as well. I think it's too much a case of seen that, done that so none of the action seems new. I wish that Spiderman would take more damage as well; falling down several hundred feet, getting sliced by blades and pounded by a few tons of sand and the only indications that he's hurt is that his suit is torn. And as Brandon pointed out all night, Tobey Maguire looks plain fat and unfit when he's exposed underneath his suit. Whatever. At least in the comic book he hurts his arm after a normal fall and can't webswing after that. Where's that teensy bit of realism in the movie? If i was Goblin, Sandman or Venom i would be mighty pissed that after all the beatings he still gets up and fights as if it never happened.

Last but not least, my biggest grievances are with Tobey Maguire himself. It took me long enough (3 movies) to realise but this guy can't act for nuts! Ee Wei probably won't call me sheepish looking after seeing him in this movie. The only expressions he has are: sheepish, grinning-sheepish and stunned-sheepish. Even at the last part when XXX dies, the camera had to focus such a long time on his face before he amazingly managed to shed out some tears (possibly eye drops). Did i mention that Brandon says he looks fa..oh wait i did. I totally agree. At least now i don't feel so bad about my double chin. Even Spiderman has one!

However bad i've criticized this movie, it still beats the shit out of the mediocre (Fantastic Four), the thrash (Daredevil), and the uber-thrash (Ghost-Rider) Marvel superheroes films. Probably it's still on par with the X-Men movies. BUT! Following in the footsteps of the 2 splendid previous showings, SpM 3 just feels shoddily done. If they're gonna make a part 4, please let it focus on one villain again (the Lizard perhaps?) 6.5/10
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Note to self: When entering the toilet in the dead of the night, always check the ceiling first to see if there's a lizard waiting to drop down on me while i'm peeing. Scared a few years off my already short life last night.